Work has been challenging as of late. Last time I posted I had been moved to a new location, I was working in Decatur, and it was a constant struggle. My boss saw that I had been doing some good there and decided to send me to Atlanta, 3.8 miles down the road from where I was...so not a huge change, but kinda. The location isn't as busy, so there is a lot of growth that can happen, which is a great thing, but going from the place I was to this has been a constant reminder of how I'm totally taken care of, and Someone is looking out for me...to put it lightly.
God has been faithful, in other words.
The latest news...
I'm getting married, and becoming a father. My child is growing strong in Shannon's belly and we're super excited about becoming parents, and also sojourning into new uncharted waters. God has continued to look out for us and place people in our lives to encourage and strengthen us, as well as challenge us. Reminding us that, yes, we love each other more than anything in the world, but then there's God, or Creator and our relationship with Him.
We were challenged to be pure, and He placed our little girl in our lives, and now He's placed people in our lives to keep us from idolatry, which is something both of us have struggled with throughout our lives.
I have really changed a lot in the past few months, trying to be mindful of others and their feelings, I've been such a selfish prick and such a bastard. Anyone reading this will know that's the truth, I have nothing to be proud of and nothing to hold over anyone, and I honestly tried, and it was really stupid. I hate the fact that I was aiming to be something I really could never be, and I hurt people, and really damaged relationships that God placed in my life for a reason, and now, because of the things I said or did people who could have had a relationship with Christ are probably questioning why they would every want anything I had, especially if I lived the way I did. How was I any different from anyone else? I didn't act like I had anything that they would ever want.
I have a lot of growing to do, but I have been definitely making a conscious effort to make a difference and not be so heartless.
I have for years preached on how the church should take a stand on making a difference by loving people, and I'm the poster child for the crowd I was preaching against. I'm a judgmental person, I do the things I hate, and fight to change. I'm such a hypocrite. Through and through. I don't deserve forgiveness but I can definitely say I'm begging for it. I'm so broken over what I've done and how I have acted towards so many people. There is nothing special about me. I am only human. I bleed when you cut me. I am not a superhero. I am not a superstar. I'm just an average person with normal problems. Forgive my hypocrisy. I want to love you. I want to do what's best for you. My soul is crying out, because more than anything I want to help people. I need help. I am not a great person and I need more help than most of you. But if there is ever anything burning on your soul or something you can't shake, please feel free to talk to me. I'm an open book and I will talk to you about anything, and try my damnedest to listen, I try to be a good listener, but that is another area I need to work on.
But I am here.
I love you.
DK
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